i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize