Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
