32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize