you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
