If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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