...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
