and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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