margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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