i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
