So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
COCAINE IS GR8
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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