rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
