I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
