I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
