Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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