I hate all girls vehemently.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
