you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
