i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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