Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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