I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
