btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
