chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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