They should really pass out barf bags in church
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
