There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
