Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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