I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
