I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
