maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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