Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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