Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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