No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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