Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
