There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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