Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
