AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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