I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
