broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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