my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
