You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
