so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
