dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
