it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you didnt know i had herpes?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
