so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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