yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
