Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
