Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
