real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
