After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
