he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
