Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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