I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
