can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
