the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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