The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
