i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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