You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
