am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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