She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
