I looked at my own cervix.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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