I will die if light touches me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
