My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
