covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
