Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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