i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
