2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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