i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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