M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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