The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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