i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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