Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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