It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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