So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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