btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
