My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
