The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And then the night went full on bisexual.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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