I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
