Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
4 words: hood of his car
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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