yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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