i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
